I’ve thought enough about this that I thought it deserved its own post. It’d be easy enough to just say why the hell not, and leave it at that. But the way I see it, there are a few different things that are playing a part, and I want to get it clear in my head.
The power of words
Words have incredible power, and I wield them knowing that.
For me personally, words have a tendency to just flow. This may be due to the fact that growing up, books were my best friends, or it could be that it just made sense to me. Either way, for me to sit down and write a bit is actually quite easy (assuming I do it, don’t get me started on my procrastination). I also use words, whether actually written down or just formed in my head, to clarify my views of what it is I am seeing. I like to be specific, and if I can’t figure out the words, I will either dig deeper into things I’m thinking, or dig into a dictionary to see if the words exist. Words have incredible power, and I wield them knowing that. Sometimes as a weapon designed to attack, other times as a tool to lift people up, and on occasion, I can even use them to help myself.
Vision of the future
I’ll be honest, I don’t actually have one. I’m not planning on spending much time discussing how broken I am, and how I can’t really see anything in the future. However, I am hours away from embarking on a journey that will change my life. That will change our lives. I don’t know if it’s going to be for the better or not, but I don’t really care. What I do want to do is make sure that I am looking at things with a focus on what is. I ruined Colorado for me, because I let my history tint my view of everything I looked at. I’m not a fan of how that’s turned out, so I want to avoid it moving forward. One way I can think of to do that is to make sure I don’t isolate. I can easily go weeks without uttering a single spoken word, and if I don’t have another viewpoint or person to bounce things off of, I can usually pull off some mental gymnastics to convince myself of anything.
I want to see what is, I want to respect it, and I want to appreciate it. To do that, I’m going to share it. For now, it’s just going to be blog posts. Like I said, it’s easier for me to do that. However, I am no stranger to the power of images, or more specifically, videos and vlogs. Between the hallucinogenic mushrooms and the binging of enjoyable youtube channels, I do get that slight urge to do what they did. Shit, I even actually tried doing one (don’t bother subscribing to that channel, it’s just BS personal stuff usually, and not that good). It wasn’t great, but considering it was a single hike, and about 2-3 hours of editing (and I’m not very well practiced at that), I think I could probably craft things to be somewhat enjoyable to watch. There are a couple of issues I have with that though. First, I don’t ever see myself at the same level of Ruby Rose, Delos, RAN, or Uma. I’m just not that interesting. I personally feel invested in them, and not only do I want them to share the places they see, I want them to share their reactions. I value them. And I don’t know if that was something that they crafted, or if they are just likeable people, or what. Right now at least, I’m not super likable, and I’m most certainly not interested in spending the effort to intentionally craft an identity that people would like.
And the other thing is that I really don’t want to do something like that. I’m not super interested in people being interested in my reactions to things. I just want to facilitate someone having an experience they will have a reaction to, and I want to personally remember to experience it as well. That being said, even though I’m not good at it, and even though I’m not planning on doing a vlog style thing, I do look at things in a super logical manner. So when I see something really cool, I think about how they got the shot, how they edited it, and what about it I liked. I’ve got the ideas, and I’ve got a Moto X(4), a GoPro Hero 3+ Black, and a Hero 6. We’ll see if do something with it. I will write though. So that’s why.